"B" is for bitch...

And boy, do I have one in my house.

Let me explain, before I have feminists on my front lawn with pitchforks and torches.

Our oldest border collie is female and therefore a bitch (female dog.) My wife, as well as all her dog friends in their circle, refer to their boy and girl canines as boys and bitches. When on her cell phone in public places this can sometimes cause stares and guffaw from passing parents with young children.

But where am I going with this?

Lately, our bitch/princess has had a bit of an attitude. As my readers know, she had a litter of pups a few months ago and most are in their new homes with their new owners (and doing quite well I might add.)

We always had the little thievery's... You would be on the phone and she would be on the couch. You would leave the kitchen, with your burger on the counter, for a minute and it wouldn't be there when you returned. She wouldn't be on the couch either but you swore you heard the clap of the doggy door a second ago.

Well, a few weeks ago, mama chewed through a "bin" that held her dog food. Yes, CHEWED! Now, we feed her twice a day and we spoil her with our food... as well as biscuits, carrots and the occasional piece of cheese. The "bin" was a Rubbermaid garbage pail with a locking lid.

I came home to a destroyed bin, dog food everywhere, little plastic bits of the lid, and a bitch with a VERY full belly. First I checked to see that she didn't break any teeth... then I scolded her. She knows right away when she does something wrong. Scoldings are not even necessary most of the time.

So, we bought a hard plastic bin with a screw on top. But that didn't stop her from getting into the puppy's food. We kept that in a big metal canister with a metal lid. She knocked it over and beat on it until the lid popped off. VERY full belly number two. And another hard plastic bin with a screw on top was purchased.

Things calmed down for a week. (Did I mention that border collies are the smartest dogs?) They calmed down until she learned how to open the pantry door. Then she pulled the box of oatmeal packets out and had a feast. I came home and smelt the cinnamon and syrup right away. There were bits of paper everywhere... but not an oat of meal anywhere to be found. Easy fix, move all the food out of her reach. Pantry issue solved.

One week later, she stood up to reach whatever she could from the kitchen counter. That was a loaf of bread, a box of rice and whatever else we may have forgotten to put away the night before. Our mistake... I know. She did not get a scolding.

Fast forward two weeks. She knocked over the garbage pail in the kitchen and must have had a feast. But we had a mess to clean up. A week later she did it again... but after my wife left that morning, the bitch forgot I was still upstairs (or just didn't care) and I caught her in the act. I thought that might get her to stop. But, to be safe, I started to put an X-pen in front of the pail.

Well, where was I going with this? I woke up this morning and must have been having a VERY sound sleep... because I heard nothing. But as you'll see below she had a fine breakfast of the rice, beans, and chicken that my wife threw away last night after getting Caribbean take out.

When I came downstairs she was on the couch with a look of glee. As if I was about to take her out for a walk or to toss a ball. As if nothing had happened.





She is SUCH a bitch...